So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
