i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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