the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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