He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
