somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize