I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
