I just cut my nipple shaving
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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