We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
