Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dignity is for republicans.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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