I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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