He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
