I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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