this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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