Your dad touched me again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
