Kiss
Puke
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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