I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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