dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize