yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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