I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize