THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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