im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
