and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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