There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
