it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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