Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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