Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
