She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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