Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
