Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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