i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
