To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
