Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
