I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
