You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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