Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
