You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
