I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
