i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
