your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
