We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
