i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
