i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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