I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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