I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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