Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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