So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
