I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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