Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
