non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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