SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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