after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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