She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
