She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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