I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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