sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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