So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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