Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
