He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
handjob tips. give me some.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
