Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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