Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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