I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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