Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
