dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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