we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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