sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
