people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
soo... how was my night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
