dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
