He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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