I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
