$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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