Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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