That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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