I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
