so let's talk penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
