The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
