??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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