Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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