grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
