we're chasing vodka with high fives
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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