you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
