dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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