make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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