1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
