I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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