A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
