Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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