New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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