i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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