no you cant smoke seaweed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
