Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Acid is not a monday night drug
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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