I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
