Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
