he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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