Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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