"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
