We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize