May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
