i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
