I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
