Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
