Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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