If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
