some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
