she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
