i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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