all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize