Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
