I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
