Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
